No Good Deed

 Allow me to walk you through my day.

I woke up at 3:30 AM to R (nearly one) crying.  I choose to ignore her when she cries unless it continues for a long period of time or sounds distressing.  This did neither so I fell asleep again.  4:30 AM – R was crying.  At this point I gathered my pillows and went to the main floor  to sleep on the couch.  I went to the spare room that is directly under R’s to pick up my down comforter and didn’t hear her crying so I decided to sleep on the cot in that room instead.  Woke at 5:30 to crying R.  Went upstairs, fed R, went to sleep in bed.  Woke up at 8 (hooray!) and went downstairs to make coffee, start Downton Abbey, and read.  Got the girls at 9, came back downstairs and made sweet potato muffins.  A little while later started up a loaf of whole wheat bread and pan fried some pork chops that really needed to be cooked.  Decided to roast some vegetables so that we could have them with the pork chops.  Decided to turn those vegetables into soup that I would then bring to my friend Jenny because she just had a baby.  Began to get all kinds of ideas about what to bring her and how to present it in an attractive manner.  Wrapped up the loaf of bread in parchment and ribbon.  Lovingly placed four muffins into a cute little bag lined with parchment paper.  Made lunch for the girls, put them upstairs for nap time, finished the soup.  Transferred the soup into a portable container so it could cool off.  Left to check on laundry.  Came back and noticed that the cute muffin bag was not in the larger bag where I had been gathering items for Jenny, but in the middle of the kitchen floor with no muffins in it.  Picked up the bag and yelled at the dog while shaking the bag menacingly at her.  Put the dog in time out and ate lunch while watching Downton Abbey.  Got dressed and got the girls when they woke up from their naps – packed them up to head over to Jenny’s house.  Left the house carrying my diaper bag, Ramona’s car seat (with Ramona in it), and an incredibly large grocery bag that contained the following: a container of soup, four oranges, a gift for Jenny’s older boy, and a loaf of bread.  Walked to the garage thinking how very fragrant the soup was.  Set the bag down and loaded the girls into the car only to discover that the soup had tipped over in the bag and spilled onto everything in the bag.  Started the car, left the girls in it, took the bag into the basement, and set it in the laundry tub.  Salvaged the loaf of bread and gift and drove to Jenny’s house.

I can’t even begin to tell you how much I wanted to cry after my soup spilled all over everything.  Because I was thinking how amazing I was.  I was thinking about how I’d accomplished so much more than usual and how I even had time and energy to share things with other people (because I had also started pizza dough, changed our sheets, did a load of laundry, and gave the girls a bath).  I even posted something about how amazing I was on facebook.  And then this happened and it made me wonder about all of those people who really seem like they have it all together and how they are making meals for people and bringing them to their homes without spilling them all over the place plus they are going home and cooking and cleaning and resisting every impulse purchase that might strike their fancy and how they probably are nicer to their husbands and never answer sarcastically to their children and just go to bed feeling pleased with themselves for everything that they do.  Are they really like this?  If not, why aren’t they showing me the gritty part of their lives?  I kind of feel like that is what bonds people together – the nasty, dirty, yucky stuff left floating in the sink after the dishes are clean but before the water is drained – not the glistening dishes.  Who cares about the dishes when there are bits of egg and wilted lettuce pieces to think about?